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सरस्वती मिनरल वॉटर प्राईवेट लिमिटेड

मूलतः कवि गिरिराज किराड़ू अपने प्रयोगधर्मी गद्य के लिए भी पहचाने जाते हैं. पिछले दिनों उनकी कुछ कहानियों ने अपने शिल्प, अपनी किस्सागोई से प्रभावित किया. नॉनफिक्शन में भी उन्होंने खासे प्रयोग किये हैं. काफी गंभीर बात खिलंदड़े अंदाज़ में कह जाना उनकी शैली की एक विशेषता है. प्रस्तुत है उनका लिखा एक गद्यांश जिसका सम्पूर्ण हो सकता है कभी किसी उपन्यास के रूप में प्रकट हो जाए. फिलहाल लोकप्रिय अंदाज़ में गंभीर मिजाज़ की यह कथा

(कथा लिखना, मेरे लिये, अपने कवि से दूर जाने का काम है। और क्योंकि ऐसी जरूरत रोज रोज नहीं पड़ती बहुत कम कहानियाँ लिखी गई हैं। अब तक चार छपी हैं दस बरस के वक़्फे में गोकि तीन पिछले दो बरस में। अधूरे मसौदे (कुछ नये कुछ पुरानियों के सीक्वल) भी हैं जिनमें से यह एक यहाँ पेश है। कई ट्रैक्स पर चलने वाली इस कहानी का यह ट्रैक पॉपुलर फिक़्शन की तर्ज पर है। मेरी सारी कहानियों में यह तर्ज़ है और इसी कारण शायद कवि से दूर हो पाता हूँगिरिराज किराड़ू)

1

हर शहर की तरह हमारे शहर में दो शहर हैं: पुराना और नया. लीसा का ऑफिस पुराने शहर के एक काफी बदहाल टूटे फूटे इलाके में है. राजन कंप्यूटर सेंटर ढूँढने में मुझे बहुत परेशानी हुई. बेसमेंट में उसका सेलफोन भी अनरीचेबल आ रहा था. लेकिन लीसा रे नाम सुनकर एक लड़के ने सीधे बेसमेंट में पहुंचा दिया. वहाँ कुछ लड़के लड़कियां सिस्टम्स पर बैठे थे. मुझे जूते उतारने के लिए कहा गया. ऊपर ओम नमो अरिहंताणं की पट्टी लगी हुई थी. लीसा रे अंदर एक छोटे-से केबिन में थी. मुझे पन्द्रह मिनट इंतज़ार करने के लिए कहा गया. दस बारह साल का एक लड़का जिसने पूछे बिना अपना नाम शौकत अली बताया पानी ले कर आया लेकिन मैंने पानी पीने से मना कर दिया. शौकत अली बाहर गया और पानी की एक बोतल लाकर सामने रख दी. यह मेरी ही कंपनी का बनाया हुआ पानी था और इसे पीने से मैं बचना चाहता था. शौकत ने एक फॉर्म दिया जिसमें मेरा नाम और दूसरे डिटेल भरने थे. मुझे लगा मैं किसी फ्रॉड के पास आ गया हूँ. मैंने कहा आई नीड टू सी लीसा इमीजियेटली. मुझे हैरान करते हुए शौकत ने कहा सॉरी यू विल हैव टू वेट फॉर फाईव मिनट्स. दस मिनट के बाद दरवाज़ा खुला और जो आदमी बाहर आया उसे देखकर मैं सकपका गया. वह एड्युकेशन मिनिस्टर लालूराम पेडीवाल का लड़का था. पर मैं कुछ नार्मल हुआ जब वह मेरी ओर देखे बिना निकल गया.

लीसा के छोटे से केबिन में भगवान महावीर की कई मूर्तियाँ थीं, एक सिस्टम विद एल.सी.डी. मानिटर और बिल गेट्स का एक रेयर ब्लैक एंड व्हाईट.

सॉरी, यू हैड टू वेट.

अनिल आपका क्लायंट है? मैं ये पूछने से खुद को रोक नहीं सका.

दिस शुड नाट बी योर कंसर्न एट आल.

सॉरी. मैंने हाथ खड़े कर दिए.

मैं चाहता हूँ आप मेरी गर्लफ्रेंड को मानिटर करें. आई विल नीड प्रूफ्स. यू मे टेक योर टाइम. मुझे कोई जल्दी नहीं है. आपको रोज रिपोर्ट ज़रूर करना पड़ेगा.

बीस हज़ार. पूरा एडवांस. एक महीना. अगर नहीं हुआ, दैट विल बी इट. एक महीने से ज्यादा मैं काम नहीं करूंगी. इफ आई डों’ट फाइंड एनिथिंग, आई विल रिटर्न हाल्फ.

विच मीन्स यू मे इवन डू नथिंग एंड स्टिल वाक अवे विद हाल्फ.

यस. इट्स योर डिसीजन.

मैंने उसी समय उसे कैश २०,००० दे दिए. लीसा रे ने दस–दस हज़ार की दो रसीदें मुझे दी. जैन कन्या कल्याण कोष और जैन ब्लड बैंक के नाम से.

आप ये पैसा इन संस्थाओं को दे देती हैं?

अगेन, दिस शुड नाट बी योर कंसर्न एट आल.

उसने आठ बरस के हमारे पूरे किस्से को सुना और कहा आपका शक सही है, एविडेंस पन्द्रह दिन में मिल जायेंगे.

शौकत मुझे मुहल्ले से बाहर कार तक छोड़ने आया. मैंने उससे पूछा लीसा जैन है क्या?

नहीं, वैसे मैं भी मुसलमान नहीं हूँ. आप क्या हैं?

कार स्टार्ट करते हुए मैंने कहा उल्लू का पट्ठा.

शौकत ने कहा मिल कर खुशी हुई. खुदा हाफिज़.

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अगले दिन मैं अपने एक रिलीजियस क्लायंट के साथ रामदेवरा जा रहा था. क्लायंट पंजाब में सरस्वती मिनरल वाटर की एजेंसी लेना चाहता था. रामदेवरा वाले बाबा रामदेव का भक्त था. दिन के दो बज रहे थे हम पोकरण में एक ढाबे पर लंच कर रहे थे. अशोक बाघला जिद कर रहा था मुझे वहाँ ले चलो जहाँ इंडिया ने न्यूक्लियर टेस्ट किया था. मैंने कहा सर वो टॉप सीक्रेट इलाका है. मिलिट्री वाले वहाँ नहीं जाने देंगे. ओय छड्ड इंडिया में टॉप मोस्ट कुछ नहीं होता. परसों रात मेरी बीवी ने मुझे एक झापड़ मारी. कल पूरे जल्लंधर में परचे छप गए मेरे नाम के. ओके सर कोशिश करता हूँ।

मैं उसे दूर तक फैले रेगिस्तान में ले गया और कहा यहीं किया था टेस्ट. उसने कहा यहाँ तो कुछ नहीं. मैंने कहा सर यहीं किया था. रेगिस्तान में क्या निशान रहने थे. और वो तेरी सिक्योरटी वो कहाँ गयी? वो तो हमें देख रही है, कहीं दूर से छुपकर. मिस्टर बाघला को यकीन हो गया उनका पहला तीरथ यही था. उन्होंने वहाँ की रेत को माथे से लगाया और बहुत सारी एक पॉलीथीन में पैक कर ली. चल तेरा काम हो गया. डील पक्की. अब बस बाबे के पहुंचा दे शाम से पहले.

रामदेवरा के थोड़ा पहले हमारी गाड़ी पंक्चर हो गयी. लीसा का पहला फोन आया उसने कहा कुछ एविडेंस मिल गए हैं पहले ही दिन. दे आर आल्सो कन्क्लुजिव इन अ सेन्स. वुड यू लाइक टू हैव अ लुक? आयम आउट ऑफ टाउन. आयल कॉल यू.

हमारे ड्राइवर का नाम गजेन्द्र सिंह भाटी है. उसने टायर बदलते हुए कहा करणी माता ने सारा विनाश रोक लिया. साब करणी माता की कृपा है हमारे इलाके पर. जब पाकिस्तान ने बम गिराए थे इकहत्तर में तब भी माता ने ही बम पकड़ लिए थे हवा में. अभी जब आर्मी के डिपो में आग लगी तो मिसाइलें छूट रही थीं आकाश में पर मजाल कि किसी को खरोंच भी आ जाये. मिस्टर बाघला ने कहा कल करणी माता के मंदिर धोक लगाये बिना ये डील पक्की नहीं होगी. मैंने कहा सर कभी मेरे पर्चे तो नहीं छपेंगे सारे शहर में?

3

लेकिन मेरे पर्चे छप चुके थे.

अगले दिन सुबह सात फोन बजने से मेरी आँख खुली. अमन. उसने कहा आज का अखबार देखा? कौनसा? भास्कर. तुरंत देखो. पर हुआ क्या? उसने फोन रख दिया था. मैं नीचे रिसेप्शन पर गया. स्टिंग आपरेशन: शिक्षा मंत्री के बेटे की रंगरेलियां. अनिल और स्मारिका की कई तस्वीरें थीं. जो तस्वीरें सिर्फ मुझे देखनी थी पूरी दुनिया देख रही थी. मैंने गजेन्द्र को फोन किया. बाघला साब को वापस ले जाना. मेरे बारे में पूछें तो कहना तुम्हें कुछ नहीं पता. सर को भी यही बोलना. मैंने अपना बैग उठाया, ऑफिस वाले फोन को स्विच ऑफ किया और एक टैक्सी करके जयपुर की तरफ चल पड़ा. रस्ते में जयपुर से हैदराबाद के लिए एक टिकट बुक की और जयपुर पहुँचते ही एक नयी सिम हासिल की. एयरपोर्ट के बूथ से स्मारिका को फोन किया पर फोन बंद था. लीसा को फोन किया तो शौकत ने उठाया. उसने कहा वो कुणाल मोदी नाम के किसी आदमी को नहीं जानता. मैंने कहा लीसा से बात कराओ, उसने कहा वो आउट ऑफ स्टेशन है. मैंने अमन को फोन किया तुम हैदराबाद पहुँचो. उसने कहा क्यों? क्योंकि मुझे तुम्हारी जरूरत है इस वक्त. उसने कहा ठीक है पर तुम किस नंबर पर मिलोगे. परसों सुबह मुझे एयरपोर्ट के बाहर पाओगी.

अगले दिन सुबह शेव करते हुए खुद से कहा वही तो हुआ है जो तुम चाहते थे.

अब

करो

फेस.

अमन के आने तक मैं बिलकुल खाली था. मैं द मिडनाइट्स चिल्ड्रन देखने चला गया. कई दिनों से अख़बारों में इस फिल्म के बारे में आ रहा था. सलमान रश्दी की हत्या रिलीज के एक दिन पहले हो जाने से भी फिल्म को लेकर काफी हाईप थी. कहा जा रहा था फिल्म को कई आस्कर मिलेंगे. फिल्म एकदम बकवास थी. मुझे म्यूजिक पसंद था. कई दिनों से सुन रहा था. पठाना खान के गाँव से आये इस लड़के के म्यूजिक के सामने रहमान शहमान सब गिमिक लगते हैं. पहली बार मेंडा इश्क वी तू सुनकर उसने अपना नाम भी पठाना रख लिया था जब वो अठारह बरस का था. मैं आँखें बंद करके गम-ए-हस्ती का असद किससे हो जुज-मर्ग-इलाज़ का इंतज़ार कर रहा था जब लीसा का फोन आया. उसने कहा डाक्टर ने मुझे कैंसर बताया है मेरे पास ज्यादा से ज्यादा एक साल है. मैं तुमसे माफ़ी मांगना चाहती हूँ. मैंने कहा तो आ जाओ हैदराबाद. उसने कहा मैं अमन के साथ ही पहुँच रही हूँ. तुम अमन को कैसे जानती हो?

भूल गये कि मैं कि छोटे शहर की सही पर हूँ तो एक पी. डी.!

 
      

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आप पढ़ रहे हैं तन्हाई का अंधा शिगाफ़। मीना कुमारी की ज़िंदगी, काम और हादसात …

116 comments

  1. jokhim uthane k khataron ki kahani hai! maza aa gaya!

  2. उत्तम लिखा उस्ताद ने

  3. अद्भुत ! आपने सच कहा किस्सागोई की चाशनी में लबालब इनकी कहानी बरबस ही पाठकों को गिरफ्त में रखती है.एक कवि में यह खासियत होनी ही चाहिए.
    शहरोज़

  4. गिरिराज भाई, अद्भुत गल्‍प है, ट्रेजिक और थ्रिलिंग भी। पता नहीं क्‍यूं लगता है कहानी कुछ जल्‍दी खत्‍म हो गई, जैसा कि आम तौर पर होता हैा बधाई।

  5. सबकुछ बहुत ही स्वाभाविक लगा। लगा ही नहीं कि ये फिक्शन है।

  6. गद्य की रवानी ने मुझे प्रभावित किया. और पढ़ने की इच्छा है.

  7. wonderful..
    Salman Rushdie's murder! Great imagination…
    Names are quite familier and interesting..
    Flow is simply good..
    its really kind of I can understand out of his writings..
    Keep on Giriraj..! Best of luck !!
    Thanks to bhai Prabhat for sharing this..

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