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पामेला एंडरसन की कविता हिंदी अनुवाद में

किसे ख़बर थी कनेडियाई अदाकारापामेला एंडरसनज़िंदगी के कई रंगों में नहाने के बाद, हाल में ही दूसरी बार तलाक के बाद कविता की ओट में आ खड़ी होगी। हाल में पामेला ने एक लम्बी कविता लिखी है, जिसमें जीवन का भोगा हुआ यथार्थ और सच का नंगा सियाह रूप दिखाई देता है। जिसमें एक औरत होने के मायने भी छुपे हैं, तो उसकी अधूरी चाहतों का क़बूलनामा भी। जानकीपुल के पाठकों के लिए प्रस्तुत है पामेला एंडरसन की कविता। मूल अंग्रेज़ी से अनुवाद किया है त्रिपुरारि कुमार शर्मा ने। हम इससे पहले त्रिपुरारि के अनुवाद में एक और मशहूर अदाकारा मर्लिन मुनरोकी कविता यहाँ पढ़ चुके हैं मॉडरेटर
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मैं एक चुलबुली लड़की से अतृप्त औरत कब बन गई?

सुलगता हुआ…
मैं जानती हूँ यह तुम्हारे लिए ग़लत है…
लेकिन, जब मैं यह सोचती हूँ—
मेरे पास एक सिगरेट थी
जिसे जलाने की कभी इच्छा नहीं हुई
एक तरह का आराम…
मैं चाहती हूँ
चालीस साल पहले यह इटली थी
खुले आकाश में चाँद निकला था
जैसे एक जबरदस्त ताली
ऐसा लगता है कि
यूरोपियन धुम्रपान के नियमों की परवाह नहीं करते
हम वही करते हैं जो हमें पसंद है
बंद दरवाज़ों के पीछे
हमारा वास्तविक चरित्र, सामूहिक पेचीदगी
बच्चों जैसी बदमाशियाँ
अनुवांशिक उदाहरण? ध्यान का भटकना
सेक्स…एक खोई कला–एक बीमारी–
विकृति-
निष्काम-
नारंगी बौरों का निर्दयी गंध…
मुझे अच्छा लगता है प्रेम में होना–
लेकिन आशाएँ,
सुख और संतुष्टि को असंभव बनाती हैं…
मैंने बहुत कोशिश की…
हो सकता है यह चलन न हो–
रोमानी होना परम्परा न हो…
मेरा अनुमान है कि यह इस्तेमाल किया हुआ आदर्श है–
पुराने ढंग के लिए…
नया नहीं…
महिला सुरक्षा…खो चुका-
कोई चारा नहीं–
संकेतों से भरा हुआ सेलफोन,
कंप्युटर्स–
ऑनलाइन सेक्स ऑर्डर करना-
जैसे अमेजॉन पर किताब ऑर्डर करना–
और ताकना भर तुम्हें ज़िंदा खा जाता है–
जैसे दर्पण की प्रतिक्रिया, आवेशित प्रेम…
अस्वस्थ,
निराश-
कन्नी काटना
हमेशा असंतोष की भावना रहती है
जैसे कि कुछ बुझा-सा हो
मैं सवालों पर अपनी उंगलियाँ नहीं रख सकती
कौन रक्षक होना चाहता है
मैं यहाँ से बाहर जाना चाहती हूँ
समय से परे, शून्य में
धूसर, एक चुप पारदर्शी
स्वादहीन जगह से–
ख़राब नीयत,
नीरसउत्तेजनाहीन-एक पवित्र जीवन
अपने होटल के बिस्तर में लेटी हुई
अपने मोजे को ध्यानपूर्वक उतारती हुई
मोजाबंद से खोलती हुई
ठीक तरह से

बहुत से काम…
थोड़ी-सी अपराधबोध से ग्रस्त-
मैं कल्पना करने लगी–
पोस्तीनो, पाब्लो नेरुदा-
मुझे कैप्री जाना चाहिए–?
बहुत से कुंठित
जलते हुए सवाल…
कोई पुरुष नहीं जानता कि मेरे साथ क्या करे
मैं ख़ुद को दोष देती हूँ
मेरे साथ मैथुन करना अनंत जैसा है
समय का अस्तित्व मिट जाता है…
मैं समय के साथ नहीं चलती

ना ही उधार हूँ–
रररर
मुझे इस कमरे से बाहर जाना था-
मखमली सामान और चीनी मिट्टी की चीज़ें
मुझ पे बंद हो रहे हैं
मैंने क्या किया है?
मैंने जाना कि यह शुरूआत से ही ग़लत था
आदिम, बुनियादी इच्छा  
एक अमीर आदमी से कभी शादी नहीं करो
आवारा दौलत…
चलना शुरू करो (जैसे जेनी मोरी और माइल्स डेविस)
कभी पीछे मत देखो-
आगे सिर्फ़ सौंदर्य है,
मुक्ति…
गौरव
भीड़…
अब मैं भूल चुकी कि मैं कहाँ थीओह
मेरा सफ़ेद बरबेरी ट्रेंच कोट
फ़र्श पर?
(एक काले व्यक्ति की गहरी आवाज़)
काला व्यक्तिइस ख़ूबसूरत डिज़ाइन को उसने सराहना छोड़ दिया
मैं—“बहुत ख़ूबसूरत है
काले व्यक्ति ने ख़ुद को उपर समेट लिया
एक धीमी आवाज़ के साथ
वह दरवाज़े से बाहर चली गई
और बिना किसी मिलाप के
हॉल में मँडराने लगी
उसके मर्दानी पैर ज़मीन को नहीं छू रहे थे
एलेवेटर पर बेतरह से गिरती हुई
नैट किंग कोल को सुनती हुई…स्टारडस्ट?
(फ़िल्म याद करती हुई)
मैं—“फ़ॉलेन एंजल?”
काला व्यक्तिउपर अबतक कोई नहीं था-
जिस सुखी संसार से वह बाहर जाती है,
मैंआज़ादी…
मैं साँस ले सकती हूँ…
काला व्यक्तिक्या किसी पुरुष का हल्का-सा स्पर्श चाहिए?
एक कामुक प्रलोभन?
मैं—“मुझे बहुत भूख लगी है…
काला व्यक्तिउसका दिल भेद करता है–
मैंयह नीच नंगापन था–
सही रौशनी में नहाया-
जादूई समय — —
मैं—“आज सभी अच्छे दिखते हैं
काला व्यक्तिबिल्लियाँ और गुनगुनाने वाली चिड़ियाँ
कोई उसे देख रही थी…
उसने एक सियाह खिड़की में ताका
जहाँ कोई भी नहीं…
और जैकेट को अपने चारों ओर गिर जाने दिया
उसका कंधा…
भीड़ पीछे आ रही है…
प्रयोजन में थोड़ी-सी कमी
कोनों से छुपाते हुए
मैं—“बहुत ख़तरनाक है-
मेरा जिस्म आग पर है…
मेरा जिस्म कभी ख़त्म नहीं हुआसमस्याएँ मुझे खोजती हैं
तुम मुझे खोजो 
लोहा हमेशा गर्म है!
काला व्यक्तिवह चर्च के एक ठंढे दीवार से लगकर खड़ी हुई
यह सुखद एहसास था, मुलायम-
मैंहैरान हूँ मैं कि वेश्यावृत्ति कैसे सम्भव है?
क्या यह कभी अच्छा महसूसता है?
थोड़ी-सी आत्मा मरी
जैसे ही हम फ़ायदा उठाते या देते हैं
क्या यह सिर्फ़ पैसे के लिए है?
क्या यह ध्यान आकर्षित करने के लिए है?
या दोनों के लिए
औरत दुख सहती है
हर जगह
नियम, नियम, नियम–
परस्पर विरोधी आवश्यकताएँ
मैं जवाब नहीं ढूँढ सकतीयह एक महामारी है
मैं जानती हूँ कि
एक कंप्युटर से इसका मुकाबला नहीं कर पाऊंगी

या- हॉलीवुड के लड़के
(जो बत्तखों की झुंड की तरह हैं)

जो ग़रीब रसियन लड़कियों को किराए पर मंगाते हैं
उनके नितम्भों पर रखकर ब्रेड के टुकड़े खाते हैं
वह कैसे होता है?”
काला व्यक्तिवह परेशान थी–
इसे आख़िर कब तक सहती? —क्या यही सच है?–
मैं—“क्या हमने आदमियों को झीनी हवा में खो दिया है—
पाताल मेंतकनीकी और मूर्खता में
माँस दिल-ओ-दिमाग़ से चिपका हुआ है
एक कोशिश चाहिए और हुनर भी
महान प्रेमी कहाँ हैं? —एक खोई कला…
ईश्वर, मैं उम्मीद नहीं करती…
मैं कोलम्बिया कभी नहीं गईमुझे जाना चाहिए?
मैं सच में जाना चाहती हूँ! 
क्या यह हिस्टिरिया है?
वस्तुपरकता?
अबछत से नीचे आते हुए,
सुनहरी झिलमिलाहट में टपकते हुए–
नुरेयेव के साथ नाचते हुएबंद आँखों से
सपनों में…
मेरी कोमलता को उत्तेजित करते हुए,
एक मीठा कच्चापन–
चोटिल और खरोंची हुई महसूसते हुए
सम्मोहित-
जीवन संवेदनायुक्त है—“जिसे पोस्ट में नहीं रख सकते” 
मैंमैं प्लेब्यॉय को भूलती हूँ –
एक सदी का अंत–
शौर्य, रमणीय-
अपूर्णताओं का उत्सव –
विवाद…गर्म—कामुक सपनों के दृश्य…
दि गर्ल नेक्स्ट डोर’—लज्जापन—“यह मेरा पहली दफ़ा है
लेकिन मेरा अंतिम नहीं…(पलकें झपकती हैं)
मैं एक रहस्यमयी चाल की योजना बना रही हूँ
इसके साथ आना चाहोगे—‘जुलियन असांजे’?
क्या यह ठीक है,
मेरा कई लोगों के बारे मे सोचना–
वह मकसद नहीं है-
हम कितने प्रभावित हो सकते हैं–
चाहे जाने की चाहत बहुत स्वाभाविक है–
दुनिया तुम पर रेंगती है–
और वहाँ तुम हो
हर जगह-
उस जगह भी जहाँ तुम नहीं होना चाहते—(रेत भरी आँधी?)
(सैनिक)
मैं मनुष्य हूँ तुम जानते हो–
पागलपन तक समझौता करने को छोड़
कोई दया नहीं-क़ीमत चुकाओ-मेरा क़सूर-
काला व्यक्तिख़ाली महसूस कर रही हो, उदासखिंची हुई-
अकेलीइलाज कराओ।
सो जाओ–
मैंनहीं! मैं ऐसा नहीं करुंगी–
मैंतुम्हें पता हैयह विचित्रता काफी नहीं है,
ख़ूबसूरत होने के लिए–
मैंने कभी ख़ूबसूरत महसूस नहीं किया-
मैंने हमेशा कामुक महसूस किया…और अंधा…
ओह! मैं अपना होश खो रही हूँ–
मैं गिर रही हूँ…यह एक अजीब एहसास है…
सुन्न हो रही हूँ… सभी के सामने—
यह ख़ुद ही ख़ुद खिंचने जैसा है… मुश्किल है–
(अलार्म बजता है!!)–  
मैं इस तरह कब होना चाहती थी?–
आकर्षित होना?
मैं एक चुलबुली लड़की से अतृप्त औरत कब बन गई?
भागती हुई लड़की…
फेम्म फटेले’… समर्पित और….विभाजित
क्या हम सभी पागल हो रहे हैं? –
या सिर्फ़ मैं?
बिना धोई सब्ज़ियों पर क्या यह वही है?
मैंने कब अपने ही दिल का नियंत्रण खो दिया? —
मैंने कब विश्वास करना शुरू कर दिया,
कि मेरे बेहतर निर्णय के विरुद्ध मैं यही अच्छी हूँ–
इसके लिए नाकाम हूँ-यह सब बकवास है–
इसे इस्तेमाल किया जाना अच्छा नहीं लगता,
ठुकराया गया, अनदेखा किया गया, नियंत्रित… 
मैं यह नहीं कर रही हूँ—
यह अपमानजनक है-
मुझे इसे पीछे लौटाना है–
ढाँचा शक्तिहीन है-निराशाजनक–
एक मोहभ्रम–
इससे मैं तुम्हारी राह नहीं खरीद सकती…दोस्त!!,
मैं सर्द हूँ
(वह हँसना रोक नहीं सकती..)
मुझे एक नाटक की याद दिलाती हैजो मैंने लिखा था
वह हेल्स एंजल्स के बारे में है,
चमकती हुई-
स्टीव क्वीन और ब्रीडगिट बारडॉट —
नाटक के बीच में…
** एक कार पीछा कर रही है
वह आगे और आगे जा रही है
वह उसके साथ सिर्फ़ अपने तरीके से करने की कोशिश कर रहा है-
सबकुछ दोगुना है अजीब/कामोत्तेजक
उन्होंने बेहिसाब हीरे चुराए हैं
वह सर से पाँव तक पसीने में तर है
एक चमकती हुई हँसी के पागलपन में—60’ का पोर्च?
सब एक कार में–उछल-कूच कर रहे हैंरोशनीदर्शकों के सामने–
(उनके पीछे से ब्लैक एण्ड व्हाइट प्रोजेक्शन)
वे अलग-अलग प्रेम में पड़ जाते हैं
मुझे नहीं पता कि हेल्स एंजल्स को इसके क्या करना चाहिए–
लेकिन वे टायटल में मौजूद रहते हैं—
समाप्त… 
 
      

About Prabhat Ranjan

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