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हिंदी में यही बड़ा काम है- कोसना और कोंचना!

‘दैनिक हिन्दुस्तान’ में प्रकाशित सुधीश पचौरी के स्तम्भ ‘तिरछी नजर’ हिंदी में व्यंग्य के लगातार कम होते जाते स्पेस को बचाए रखने की एक सार्थक कोशिश है. आज का उनका स्तम्भ तो है ही इसी विषय पर. जिन्होंने नहीं पढ़ा उनके लिए- प्रभात रंजन 
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हिंदी वालों की दुनिया में तबर्रा

मैं लिखता हूं और उनसे धुआं उठता है। जलना डेमोक्रेटिक राइट है। मैं अपने से जलने वालों पर कुर्बान हूं। कुछ अंदर ही अंदर जलते हैं। कुछ भभककर जलते हैं। कुछ माचिस की तीली की तरह रगड़ खाकर जलते हैं। कुछ कोयले की अंगीठी की तरह धुंधुआते हैं, तो कुछ सुलगने के लिए फूंकनी से हवा मारते रहते हैं। किसी का तो फेसबुक पर ही फेस सुलग उठता है। जलना जनतांत्रिक है। हिंदी वाले जलने में बड़े तेज हैं- इधर सुलगे, उधर बुझा लिए।

कोई-कोई इतने कूल कल्कूलेटहैं कि जब जल रहे होते हैं, तब भी बत्तीसी दिखाते रहते हैं। कहते हैं कि भैया, हमारे बारे में भी दो लाइन लिख देना। गाली जरूर देना। तुम्हारी गाली भी हमें ताली लगती है।

आजकल हमें कोई नहीं पूछता। तुम ही पूछ लो। हिंदी वालों ने हास्य-व्यंग्य के रेट को रुपये से भी अधिक तेजी से गिरा डाला है। मैं कोसता हूं, वे हंसते हैं। चिकोटी काटो, तो बेशर्म थैंक्यू देता है और निंदा करो, तो थैंक्यू के साथ गुलदस्ता भेजता है। किस्मत वाले थे पांडेय बेचन शर्मा उग्र’, जो अपनी खबरलेकर चले गए। मैं जब भी खबर लेता हूं, तो मेरे खल-मित्र कहते हैं कि थैंक्यू वेरी मच।एक ने कहा- मेरी खबर लेने में तुम कंजूसी कर गए। दो-चार गाली देते, तो मैं अमर हो जाता। दूसरा कहता है- भई गजब लिखते हो। सबकी खबर लेते हो, कभी हमारा भी नंबर लगाओ। हम बुरा न मानेंगे। कहो तो लिखकर दे दें। एक बार तो तुम्हारी तिरछी नजर हमारी ओर हो जाए।

खल का ऐसा मस्त मनोविज्ञान है कि कहता है तू मेरी निंदा कर! मुझे कोस!! और कैमरा लेकर दिखाता-फिरता है कि देख मेरी निंदा हुई है। मैं महान हूं! अज्ञेय ने स्पर्धी किस्म के कवि निंदकों के प्रति एक कविता लिखी जो कहती थी- आ तू मेरे पीछे आ! मेरे मित्र पीठ पीछे कोसने आते हैं। एक सुबह छह सौ किलोमीटर दूर से फोन आया। वह बोला : बहुत अच्छा लिखा यार मेरे बारे में। मजा आ गया। सब हमसे जल रहे हैं। मैंने उन्हें अपने आकाशभाषितमें खलकहा , फिर मोबाइल में मित्रकहा कि हे (खल) मित्र! मैंने तो तुम्हारे बारे में सोचा तक नहीं। तुम्हें किस तरह लगा कि वह तुम ही हो?’ कविवर बोलते रहे: हम सब समझते हैं। तीन दिन तक हमारा फोन बजता रहा है कि यार तुम पर ही टिप्पणी की गई है। मुबारक हो। बाईगॉड की कसम! एक जलजात’ (जलन से जन्मे) ने कहा- यार ,क्या बेकार की चीजें लिखते रहते हो।

अरे कुछ सीरियस काम करो। मेरे लिए निंदा कर्म सबसे सीरियस काम है। उचित आलंबन ढूंढ़ना पड़ता है। मिर्च-मसाला लगाना पड़ता है। जानी वाकर, महमूद और जानी लीवर बनना पड़ता है, तब कहीं जाकर एक साहित्यिक तबर्राकिया जाता है। तबर्राकरने के लिए दिल-गुर्दा चाहिए। हरेक के बस का नहीं। कमअक्ल हमको हमारी कोसने की कला के बारे में बताया हमारे पुराने पत्रकार मित्र कुर्बान अली ने कि भाई साब, आप तो तबर्राकरते हैं! हमने पूछा कि वो क्या? तो बताया कि तबर्रा उर्दू में किया जाता है। कभी पव्वों’ (पीडब्लूए वालों) पर तर्बे किए जाते थे। तबर्रा एक तरह का कोसना है। कोसने से आपका दिल हल्का होता है। जिसे कोसा जाता है, वह कोसने लगता है और विमर्श होने लगता है। हिंदी में यही बड़ा काम है- कोसना और कोंचना! कोंचना और नोचना, बकोटना!

 
      

About Prabhat Ranjan

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141 comments

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    ललित चाहार

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    बहुत खूब! कच्चा चिठ्ठा खोल डाला आपने तो हंसी-व्यंग्य इस माशाअल्ला अंदाज़ में.. साझा करने के लिए आभार प्रभात जी!

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