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वैलेंटाइन पर परदेशी बाबू की देसी चिट्ठी

प्रवीण कुमार झा रहते नॉर्वे में हैं लेकिन ठेठ देशी किस्सा-कहानी लिखते हैं. वामा गांधी के नाम से ‘चमनलाल की डायरी’ नामक एक व्यंग्य-किताब लिख चुके हैं. आज वैलेंटाइन चिट्ठी लिखे हैं. परदेस से लिखे है आने में देरी हो गई है. मौका मिले तो पढियेगा- मॉडरेटर
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लुबना चमार की लाइफ सेट थी। चमरटोली का सबसे धनी चमार। खानदानी। पर एकहि प्रॉब्लम। एक बेटा नसीब नहीं। तीन बेटी के बाद चमारिन बधिया हो गई। औघर बाबा से दिखलाया, नेपाली दवाई खाया, सर मुंडा के भैरों बाबा का चक्कर लगाया। पर कोई असर नहीं। अब कोई शहरी ईलाज ही काम करेगा। कलकत्ता से मुकुन्न हलवाई का पाहुन आया है, सुना है एकदम चर्र-फर्र है।
“कलकत्ता में हस्पताल तो बहुत्ते है, पर पहिले खुदहि ट्राई करो।”
“बधिया हो गई चमारन। अब का ट्राई करें?”
“ऐसा नहीं है लुबना। प्रेम जगाओ।”
“का पाहुन आप भी? ऊ सब बड़का लोग करता है।”
“ऊ लोग भी सीखे रहा है भाई। हम तो रोजहि देखते हैं।”
“का मतलब?”
“हम गर्ल्स हॉस्टल में दरबान हैं लुबना। समझते हो कुच्छो?”
“ना! “
“ई सब एक बाबा का कृपा है। सात दिन तक बिन खाए-पीए करम करना पड़ेगा।”
“कइसा करम?”
“नाम बताओ चमारन का। मतलब बहिन का।”
“लुटनी माय।”
“लुटनी माय तो है ही। नाम क्या है? वैसे लुटनी काहे?”
“लुट गइल अब बेटी पर बेटी लेकर। छोटकी का नाम लुटनी रख दिए। नाम असल में फुकनी है।”
“मतलब ऊ भी घर फूँके के आई होगी। खैर, कल से परब चालू है। एक गुलाब ले के आना। एकदम लाल। आज से निर्जला।”
“लाल गुलाब को पीस के लाईं कि साबुत?”
“पीस के क्या काढ़ा बनाएगा? अरे भाई, ई नेपाली दवाई नहीं। लाल गुलाब ले के फूँकनी के बाल में खोंस देना।”
लुबना भी सुबहि पंडित के बाड़ी से सारा गुलाब तोड़ लाया और फूँकनी के बाल में जगह-जगह खोंस दिया। वो खोंसता रहा, फूँकनी उसको गरियाती रही। लकड़ी की मुंगड़ी (मुग्दल) से मारती रही। यह मुंगड़ी उठे अरसा हो गया था। आज बरसों बाद प्रेम की छवि दिखी। पाहुन तो देवदूत निकले।
“कल एगो विलायती लमनचूस खिलाना होगा लुबना।”
“कहाँ मिली?”
“सक्खू साव के दुकान में। कहना पाहुन भेजे हैं। दे देगा।”
“सुबह-शाम दोनों बकत कि खाली रातहि को?”
“प्रेम से खिलाओ। कभी भी। सूर्यास्त से पहिले।”
लुबना पोटली भर टॉफी बाँधा और फूँकनी के मुँह में जा के ठूँस दिया। आज तो मुंगड़ी से लगभग मरते-मरते बचा। पूरे चमरटोली में उत्साह कि लुबना के घर में बरसों बाद चहल-पहल है। चमारन मार रही है, मतलब कुछ अच्छे होगा।
“आज एगो हाट से खिलौना खरीदना होगा। उजला भालू।”
“का मजाक करते हैं पाहुन? भालुओ कभी उजला हुआ है?”
“प्रेम जगाने के लिए तप करना होगा लुबना। भालू एकदम धप-धप गोरा चाही।”
“हाट पर मिल जाएगा?”
“नेपाली बोडर पर निकल जाओ आजहि। वहीं हाट पर मिली।”
लुबना भी एक टेडी बीयर लेकर आ गया। घर में लाकर रखा। लुटनी-बुधनी डर से रोने लगी। चीख-पुकार मच गया। फुंकनी पहले तो भालू का चिथड़ा कर दी मुंगड़ी से, और फिर लुबना का। इसी मारा-मारी में फूँकनी का साड़ी भी फट गया। गजब शक्ति है भालू बाबा में। जय हो!
“अब क्या? अब बस धर के चुम्मी ले लो लुबना।”
“ई क्या अनर्थ कह रहे हो? निर्जला बरत में अइसा पाप?”
“ई तो करना ही होगा। अब जैसे करो।”
“एक बात बताओ पाहुन। ई बाबा है कौन? कइलास पहाड़ से आया है का?”
“न न! ई तो गोरा देस का है। हम भी देखे नहि है। नामे सुने हैं। लेकिन परताप देखे हैं। जाओ पहिले धरो जा के फूँकनी को।”
फूँकनी सुबह से गनपत बाबू के यहाँ जनेऊ में खट रही थी। आँगन में गोबर लीप रही थी। लुबना आव देखा न ताव, फुंकनी के ऊपर सवार हो गया। पूरा देह गोबर-गोबर हो गया। और उसी गोबरमय शरीर में चुंबन। पूरा आंगन हड़बड़ा गया। गनपतानि चिल्ला-चिल्ला कर कपाड़ पीटने लगी, और गनपत बाबू ने दोनों को लठियाना शुरू किया।
पर वो तो जु़ड़ गए थे। लुबना भी क्लियर नहीं था कि कब तक चुंबन करना है। वो लगा रहा, सामंत लठियाते रहे। यह कुक्कुट-प्रेम अद्वितीय था। ये बाबा जो भी थे, महाशक्ति थे।
“लुबना तुम धन्य हो। मैनें सुना कल क्या हुआ। यह तो कलकत्ता में भी नहीं होता।”
“अब?”
“अब कुछ नहीं। अब बस आज का दिन है। बाबा खुश हुए तो प्रसाद मिलेगा।”
“बेटा? आजहि? गाभिन होगी तब न?”
“अरे बेटा हमरा ले जा। तीन गो है। तीनू खाली टायर लेके लफासोटी करता है। प्रेम मिलेगा प्रेम।”
“पाहुन! हमको भी सच्चे कहुँ तो ई परेम अबहि हुआ। बेटा लइके का करी? कसम से ई फिरंगी बाबा में कुछ बात हई।”
लुबना अब साइकल के कैरियर पर फूँकनी को बिठा के गामे-गामे घूमता है। गनपत बाबू के दरबज्जा पर जा के किस करता है। गनपत बाबू लाठी ले के दौड़ाते हैं, फूँकनी कनखी मार देती है। वो लटपटा जाते हैं। रोज का ए ही ड्रामा है।
 
      

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