जानकी पुल – A Bridge of World's Literature. जानकी पुल पर प्रकाशित लेखों में प्रकट विचार लेखक के होते हैं. उनसे मॉडरेटर का सहमत होना जरूरी नहीं है. हाँ, अपने लेखों में प्रकट विचारों के लिए मॉडरेटर खुद जिम्मेदार है
(कविता: दस बिन्दुओं में, प्रस्तावना एवम् उपसंहार सहित)
“संभल के, संभल के, बेवकूफ़ !” –
चीचिकव सेलिफान पर चिल्लाया.
“तुझे तो मूसल से !” – सामने से सरपट दौड़ता हुआ
एक एक गज की मूँछों वाला सरकारी डाकिया चीखा.
“दिखाई नहीं देती, पिशाच तुझे ले जाए, सरकारी गाड़ी?”
प्रस्तावना
भयानक सपना… मानो परछाइयों के राज्य में, जिसके प्रवेश-द्वार के ऊपर एक कभी न बुझने वाला दीप टिमटिमाता है, और जिसके ऊपर लिखा है “बेजान आत्माएँ”, शैतान के मसखरे ने द्वार खोला. बेजान राज्य में सरसराहट हुई, और उसमें से एक अंतहीन कतार निकली.
मानिलोव, फर-कोट में – बड़े-बड़े भालुओं वाली स्लेज गाड़ी पर; नोज़्द्रेव – औरों की गाड़ी पर; देर्झिमोर्दा – अग्निशामक पाइप पर, सेलिफान, पेत्रूश्का, फेतीन्या…
और सबसे अंत में निकला ‘वह’ – पावेल इवानोविच चीचिकव – अपने प्रसिद्ध छकड़े पर.
और यह सारा हुजूम सोवियत रूस की ओर चल पड़ा, और तब उसमें बड़े हैरत अंगेज़ हादसे हुए. कैसे हादसे – यह नीचे क्रमवार बताया गया है…
एक
मॉस्को में छकड़े से मोटरगाड़ी में बैठकर और मॉस्को के गड्ढों पर उड़ते हुए चीचिकव गोगोल पर बरसते हुए गरजा:
“उस, शैतान के बच्चे पर, मार पड़े, दोनों आँखों के नीचे बड़ी-बड़ी फुन्सियाँ हो जाएँ! मेरी इज़्ज़त को इस तरह बरबाद कर दिया, मिट्टी में मिला दिया कि मैं कहीं मुँह दिखाने लायक नहीं रहा. क्योंकि, जैसे ही उन्हें पता चलेगा कि मैं चीचिकव हूँ, ज़ाहिर है, दो लात मार के शैतान की ख़ाला के पास भेज देंगे! ये तो अच्छा है कि सिर्फ भगा ही देंगे, वर्ना तो, भगवान बचाए, लुब्यान्का में ही बैठना पड़ता. और सब इस गोगोल की वजह से, ख़ुदा करे कि न उसे, न उसके रिश्तेदारों को….”
और इस तरह सोचते हुए वह उसी होटल के गेट में घुसा, जहाँ से सौ साल पहले निकला था.
उसमें सभी कुछ पहले जैसा ही था: दरारों से तिलचट्टे झाँक रहे थे, और वे भी जैसे बहुत ज़्यादा हो गए थे; मगर कुछ परिवर्तन भी थे. जैसे कि बोर्ड पर ‘होटल’ के बदले लिखा था: ‘होटल नं. फलाँ-फलाँ’, और, ज़ाहिर है, गन्दगी और कचरा इतना था कि जिसके बारे में गोगोल सोच भी नहीं सकता था.
“कमरा चाहिए!”
“आदेश दिखाइए!”
अकलमन्द पावेल इवानोविच एक सेकण्ड के लिए भी नहीं घबराया.
“मैनेजर को बुलाओ!”
वाह! – मैनेजर से तो पुरानी पहचान निकल आई: गंजू पीमेन अंकल, जो कभी ‘अकूल्का’ चलाते थे, अब उन्होंने त्वेर्स्काया रोड़ पर कैफे खोल लिया है – रूसी स्टाइल का- मनोरंजन के जर्मन साधनों से सुसज्जित: तरह-तरह के ठण्डे पेयों से, तरह-तरह के लेपों से, और तवायफों से भी. मेहमान और मैनेजर गले मिले, फुसफुसाकर बातें कीं और पल भर में काम हो गया – बिना किसी आदेश-वादेश के. पावेल इवानोविच ने भगवान ने जो भेजा (जो मिला) वही खा लिया और भागा नौकरी ढूँढ़ने.
दो
जहाँ भी गया, सबको सम्मोहित कर लिया – ऐसे झुक-झुककर और इतनी सलाहियत से सलाम करता, जो उसकी विशेषता थी.
“ये फॉर्म भरिए.”
पावेल इवानोविच को एक गज लम्बा फॉर्म दिया गया जिस पर सौ निहायत बेहूदा सवाल थे: कहाँ से आए, कहाँ थे, क्यों थे?…
पावेल इवानोविच ने पाँच ही मिनट में ऊपर-नीचे वह फॉर्म भर डाला. मगर जब उसे देने लगा, तो उसका हाथ काँप गया.
‘तो,’ उसने सोचा, ‘अभी पढ़ेंगे कि मैं कैसा नायाब हीरा हूँ, और…’
मगर कुछ भी नहीं हुआ.
सबसे पहले तो उस फॉर्म को किसीने पढ़ा ही नहीं; दूसरी बात, वह रजिस्ट्रेशन करने वाली लड़की के हाथ में पड़ा जिसने हमेशा की ही तरह काम किया : ‘आवक’ (इनवार्ड) की जगह ‘जावक’ (आउटवार्ड) में डाल दिया और इसके बाद फौरन ही उसे कहीं घुसेड़ दिया, जिससे फॉर्म मानो पानी में खो गया.
खिलखिला पड़ा चीचिकव और काम करने लगा.
तीन
और आगे तो काम और भी आसान होता गया.
सबसे पहले तो चीचिकव ने इधर-उधर झाँका और देखता क्या है कि जहाँ भी देखो, अपने ही बैठे हैं.
उस दफ़्तर में गया, जहाँ राशन दिया जाता है, तो सुनाई दिया:
“मैं खूब जानता हूँ, तुम हज्जामों को: ज़िन्दा बिल्ली की खाल निकालकर उसे राशन में दे देते हो! तुम तो मुझे मटन दो, शोरवे के साथ, क्योंकि तुम्हारी राशन की मेंढकी को, शक्कर में लपेट कर भी मुँह में नहीं डाल सकता; और सड़ी हुई हैरिंग भी नहीं लूँगा!”
देखता क्या है – सबाकेविच!
वो, आते ही चल पड़ा राशन माँगने और ले ही लिया! खाया, और ऊपर से और भी माँगने लगा. दिया. कम है! तब उसे ‘दूसरी’ डिश परोसी गई. बिल्कुल ‘जनता’ क्लास थी – ‘श्रमिक’ क्लास की दी गई – कम है! कोई एक ‘ऑफ़िसर’ क्लास की दी. चाट गया और और माँगा, और झगड़ा करके माँगा! सबको ‘ईसा को बेचने वाले’ कहकर गाली दी, बोला कि बदमाश बदमाश पर बैठा है और बदमाश को खदेड़ रहा है, और , यहाँ सिर्फ एक ही ढंग का आदमी है, ऑफ़िसर, मगर वह भी, सच कहा जाए तो सुअर ही है.
तब उसे ‘बुद्धिजीवी’ क्लास की डिश परोसी गई.
जैसे ही चीचिकव ने सबाकेविच को राशन लेते देखा, ख़ुद भी फौरन तैयार हो गया. मगर, बेशक, उसने सबाकेविच को भी पीछे छोड़ दिया. अपने लिए लिया, बच्चे समेत अस्तित्वहीन पत्नी के लिए लिया, सेलिफान के लिए, पेत्रूश्का के लिये, उस चचा के लिए जिसके बारे में बेत्रिश्चेव को बताया था, बूढ़ी माँ के लिए जो दुनिया में थी ही नहीं. और सभी के लिए ‘बुद्धिजीवी’ क्लास का राशन लिया. तो, उसके पास सामान लॉरी में भरकर लाना पड़ा.
तो, इस तरह खाने-पीने का सवाल सुलझा के वह दूसरे दफ्तरों में गया, जगह ढूँढ़ने.
एक बार मोटर में बैठकर कुज़्नेत्स्की से गुज़र रहा था कि नोज़्द्रेव मिल गया. उसने सबसे पहले यह बताया कि उसने घड़ी और पट्टा बेच दिया है. और सचमुच, उसके पास न तो घड़ी थी, न ही पट्टा. मगर नोज़्द्रेव चुप नहीं हुआ. बताता रहा कि कैसे लॉटरी में उसकी किस्मत चमकी, जब उसने आधा पाउण्ड तेल, लैम्प का काँच और बच्चों के जूतों के ‘तले’ जीते; मगर फिर कैसे किस्मत ने उसका साथ नहीं दिया, और उसने, बेईमान ने, छह सौ मिलियन भी दिए. बताया कि कैसे उसने विदेश-व्यापार डिपार्टमेंट को कॉकेशस के असली खंजरों को विदेशों में सप्लाई करने का सुझाव दिया, और सप्लाई करना शुरू भी कर दिया. और इससे ढेरों कमा भी लेता, अगर कमीने अंग्रेज़ न होते, जिन्होंने देख लिया कि खंजरों पर लिखा है ‘कारीगर सावेली सिबिर्याकोव’, और सबको खारिज कर दिया. चीचिकव को अपने कमरे में घसीट कर ले गया और फ्रांस से मंगवाई हुई ‘ग़ज़ब की’ कोन्याक पिलाई, जिसमें पूरी तरह ठर्रे का स्वाद था. और अंत में वह इस कदर झूठ बोलता रहा कि इतना तक यकीन दिला दिया कि उसे आठ सौ गज कपड़ा, सोने वाली नीली कार, और स्तम्भों वाली बिल्डिंग में जगह देने का ऑर्डर भी मिला है!
जब उसके दामाद मीझूयेव ने शक ज़ाहिर किया, तो उसे गाली दे दी, मगर ’सोफ्रोन’ कहकर नहीं, सिर्फ ‘कमीना’ कहा.
एक लब्ज़ में चीचिकव को इतना ‘बोर’ कर दिया कि वह समझ ही नहीं पाया कि उससे पीछा कैसे छुड़ाए.
मगर नोज़्द्रेव के किस्सों से उसने भी विदेशों में व्यापार करने का निश्चय कर लिया.
चार
ऐसा ही उसने किया. फिर से एक फॉर्म भरा और अपनी गतिविधियाँ शुरू कर दीं; और अपने आप को पूरी शान-शौकत से पेश किया. भेड़ के दुहरे कोट में भेड़ों को सीमा पार भेजता, और कोटों के नीचे छिपाता ब्राबांत की लेस; हीरे-मोती छिपाता पहियों में, गाड़ी की कमानी में, कानों में और न जाने कहाँ-कहाँ.
जल्दी ही उसके पास करीब पाँच सौ संतरों (संतरा- एक मिल्यर्ड) की संपत्ति हो गई
मगर वह रुका नहीं और सही दफ़्तर में दरख़्वास्त दे दी कि कोई जगह लीज़ पर लेना चाहता है, और इतने लुभावने रंगों में वर्णन किया कि सरकार को इससे क्या फायदा हो सकता है.
दफ्तर में लोगों के मुँह खुले रह गए – वाक़ई में ज़बर्दस्त फायदे दिखाए गए थे. उससे कहा गया कि जगह दिखाए. शौक से. त्वेर्स्की बुलवार पर, स्त्रास्त्नी मॉनेस्ट्री के सामने, सड़क पार करके, नाम है – त्वेरबुल का पाम्पुष * ( * पाम्पूष से तात्पर्य है – पाम्यात्निक पूश्किनू अर्थात पूश्किन का स्मारक जो त्वेर्स्की बुल्वार पर है, अतः उसे त्वेरबुल कहा गया है – चारुमति). जाँच करवाई गई, इनक्वायरी ऑफिस से, क्या ऐसी कोई चीज़ है? जवाब आया: है, और पूरा मॉस्को उसे जानता है. बढ़िया.
“तकनीकी एस्टिमेट बताइए.”
एस्टिमेट तो चीचिकव की बगल में ही दबा था.
लीज़ पर दे दी गई.
तब समय व्यर्थ न गँवाते हुए वहाँ गया, जहाँ उसे जाना चाहिए था: “एडवान्स दीजिए.”
“तीन प्रतियों में लिस्ट दीजिए, उचित हस्ताक्षरों और सीलों सहित.
दो घण्टे भी नहीं बीते कि लिस्ट भी जमा कर दी. बिल्कुल सही रूप में. सीलें तो उस पर इतनी थीं जितने आसमान में तारे. हस्ताक्षर भी सामने ही थे.
डाइरेक्टर – नेउवाझाय-करीता (सम्मानहीन-टब – चारुमति) ;
सेक्रेटरी – कूव्शिन्नोए रीलो ( सुराही-मुख);
मूल्य निर्धारण कमिटी का प्रेसिडेंट – एलिज़ावेता वोरोबेए;
“ठीक है, ऑर्डर ले लीजिए.”
कैशियर तो चीख पड़ा टोटल देखकर.
चीचिकव ने हस्ताक्षर किए और तीन घोड़ागाड़ियों में भरकर नोट ले गया.
इसके बाद दूसरे दफ्तर गया.
“माल पर ‘लोन’ दीजिए.
“माल दिखाइए.”
“मेहेरबानी करके एजंट को भेजिए.”
“एजेंट भेजो!”
फू! और एजेंट भी पहचान का निकला: रोतोज़ेय एमेल्यान.
उसे साथ लेकर चीचिकव चल पड़ा. जो भी पहला गोदाम दिखा, उसमें ले गया और दिखाया. एमेल्यान देखता है – अनगिनत चीज़ें पड़ी हैं.
“हुँ…ये सब आपका है?”
“सब मेरा है.”
“अच्छा,” एमेल्यान बोला, “तब तो, मुबारक हो आपको. आप तो मिलिनेर नहीं बल्कि ट्रिलिनेर हैं!”
और नोज़्द्रेव ने, जो वहीं उनसे चिपक गया था, आग में और घी डाला.
“देख रहे हो,” वह बोला, “ये जूतों से भरा ट्रक जो गेट के अन्दर आ रहा है? ये भी इसीके जूते हैं.”
फिर तो मानो उस पर भूत सवार हो गया, एमेल्यान को खींचकर सड़क पर ले गया और दिखाया:
“ये दुकानें देख रहे हो? ये सारी दुकानें इसीकी हैं. सब कुछ, जो सड़क के इस ओर है – सब इसी का है. और जो सड़क के उस ओर है – वह भी इसी का है. ये ट्राम देख रहे हो? इसकी है. स्ट्रीट-लैम्प?…इसीके हैं. देख रहे हो? देख रहे हो?”
और उसे सारी दिशाओं में घुमाता है.
अब एमेल्यान गिड़गिड़ाने लगा:
“मानता हूँ! देख रहा हूँ – बस मेरी रूह को कन्फेशन के लिए तो बख़्श दो!”
दफ्तर वापस लौटे.
वहाँ पूछा गया:
“तो? क्या?”
एमेल्यान ने बस हाथ हिला दिया.
“ये,” बोला, “अवर्णनीय है!”
”अगर अवर्णनीय है – तो उसे n+1 मिल्यर्ड दिये जाएँ.
पाँच
इसके बाद तो चीचिकव का व्यवसाय हैरानी में डालता गया. समझ में नहीं आता कि वह क्या-क्या कर रहा था. एक ट्रस्ट बनाया लकड़ी के बुरादे से लोहा अलग करने के लिए और इसके लिए भी ‘लोन’ लिया. एक बड़ी कोऑपरेटिव फर्म में शेयर-होल्डर बना और पूरे मॉस्को को मुर्दा जानवरों के माँस का सॉसेज खिलाता रहा. ज़मीन्दारिन कोरोबोच्का, यह सुनकर कि अब मॉस्को में ‘सब चलता है’ , अचल सम्पत्ति खरीदने के इरादे से आई; वह ज़ामूख्रिश्किन और उतेशित्येल्नी की कम्पनी में शामिल हो गया और उसे मानेझ बेच दिया, जो युनिवर्सिटी के सामने है. कई बार शहर के विद्युतीकरण के लिए, ‘जिससे तीन साल में भी बाहर नहीं निकल सकते’, ‘लोन’ लिया; और भूतपूर्व मेयर से सम्पर्क बनाकर कोई एक बागड बना दी, कुछ खम्भे गाड़ दिए, जिससे किसी प्लान जैसा नज़र आए; और जहाँ तक पैसों का सवाल है, जो विद्युतीकरण के लिए मिले थे, यह लिख दिया कि कैप्टेन कोपैकिन के गिरोह ने छीन लिए. संक्षेप में, हैरत अंगेज़ कारनामे कर डाले.
और शीघ्र ही मॉस्को में सुगबुगाहट होने लगी कि चीचिकव ट्रिल्यनेर बन गया है. कम्पनियाँ विशेषज्ञ के तौर पर उसे अपनी ओर खींचने की कोशिश करने लगीं. चीचिकव ने पाँच मिल्यर्ड में घर खरीदा – पाँच कमरों वाला, चीचिकव ‘अम्पीरा’ में डिनर करने लगा.
छह
मगर अचानक सब गुड़-गोबर हो गया.
चीचिकव को बरबाद किया नोज़्द्रेव ने, जैसी कि गोगोल ने पहले ही भविष्यवाणी की थी, और उसको नेस्तनाबूद कर दिया कोरोबोच्का ने. उसे नुक्सान पहुँचाने की ख़्वाहिश न होते हुए भी, शराब के नशे में नोज़्द्रेव ने रेस खेलते हुए बक दिया लकड़ी के बुरादे के बारे में; और यह भी कि चीचिकव ने एक अस्तित्वहीन इमारत लीज़ पर ली है, और यह कहते हुए अपनी बात ख़त्म की कि चीचिकव ठग है, और वह तो उसे गोली मार देता.
पब्लिक सोच में पड़ गई और परों वाली अफ़वाह आग की तरह फैल गई.
और वह बेवकूफ कोरोबोच्का भी दफ़्तर में आ गई यह पूछने कि वह मानेझ में अपनी बेकरी कब खोल सकती है. उसे पक्का यक़ीन दिलाया गया कि मानेझ सरकारी बिल्डिंग है और उसे खरीदने की या उसमें कुछ खोलने की इजाज़त नहीं है – ठस दिमाग औरत कुछ नहीं समझी.
और चीचिकव के बारे में अफ़वाहें बद से बदतर होती जा रही थीं. ये सोच-सोचकर परेशान होने लगे कि ये चीचिकव आख़िर है किस चिड़िया का नाम और वह कहाँ से आया है. एक से भयानक एक, एक से विचित्र एक अफ़वाहें फैलने लगीं, दिलों में बदहवासी घर कर गई. टेलिफोन बजने लगे, मीटिंगें होने लगीं….निर्माण कमिटी से निरीक्षण कमिटी में, निरीक्षण कमिटी से आवास विभाग में, आवास विभाग से लोक स्वास्थ्य विभाग में, लोक स्वास्थ्य विभाग से प्रमुख व्यापार विभाग में, प्रमुख व्यापार विभाग से शिक्षा विभाग में, शिक्षा विभाग से प्रोलेतकुल्त में…..
नोज़्द्रेव के पास लपके. ये सरासर बेवकूफी थी. सब को मालूम था कि नोज़्द्रेव झूठा है, कि नोज़्द्रेव के एक भी शब्द पर विश्वास नहीं करना चाहिए. मगर फिर भी नोज़्द्रेव को बुलाया गया, और उसने सभी पॉइंट्स का जवाब दिया.
उसने बताया कि चीचिकव ने वाकई में एक अस्तित्वहीन बिल्डिंग लीज़ पर ली थी और उसे याने नोज़्द्रेव को कोई वजह नज़र नहीं आती कि क्यों नहीं ले सकता, जब सभी लेते हैं? इस सवाल के जवाब में कि कहीं चीचिकव श्वेत-गार्ड्स का जासूस तो नहीं है, कहा कि जासूस है, उसे तो हाल ही में गोली से उड़ाने वाले थे, मगर न जाने क्यों, नहीं उड़ाया. इस सवाल के जवाब में कि चीचिकव जाली नोट तो नहीं बनाता, कहा कि बनाता है और एक चुटकुला भी सुनाया चीचिकव की गज़ब की फुर्ती के बारे में: यह पता चलने पर कि सरकार नए नोट जारी करने वाली है, चीचिकव ने मारीना बगिया में एक फ्लैट लिया और वहाँ से जाली नोट जारी कर दिए – 18 बिल्यन मूल्य के, और वह भी असली नोटों के जारी होने से दो दिन पहले; और जब वहाँ छापा मारा गया, और फ्लैट को सील कर दिया गया तो चीचिकव ने एक रात में जाली नोट असली नोटों में मिला दिए, जिससे शैतान भी नहीं बता सका कि कौन से नोट असली हैं, और कौन से नकली.
इस सवाल के जवाब में कि क्या चीचिकव ने वाकई में अपने करोडों रुबल्स से हीरे खरीदे, जिससे विदेश भाग सके, नोज़्द्रेव ने कहा कि यह सच है और ख़ुद उसीने इस काम में मदद की थी और हाथ बटाया , और अगर वह नहीं होता तो यह सब हो ही नहीं सकता था.
नोद्रेव की कहनियों से सब पूरी तरह पस्त हो गए. देखा कि यह जानना सम्भव ही नहीं हि कि चीचिकव कौन है. और मालूम नहीं ये सब कैसे खतम होता अगर कम्पनी में एक आदमी नहीं निकलता. ये सच हि कि औरों की तरह उसने भी गोगोल को हाथ नहीं लगाया था, मगर थोड़ी-सी समझदारी तो उसमें थी.
वह चहका:
“मालूम है, कौन है ये चीचिकव?”
“कौन है?!”
उसने विषादपूर्ण आवाज़ में कहा:
“ठग है.”
सात
अब सबके दिमाग की बत्ती जल गई. फॉर्म ढूँढ़ने लगे. ‘आवक’ में. नहीं है. अलमारी में – नहीं है. रजिस्ट्रेशन क्लर्क के पास.
“मुझे क्या मालूम? इवान ग्रिगोरीच के पास जाओ.
इवान ग्रिगोरीच के पास आए.
“कहाँ है?”
“ये मेरा काम नहीं है. सेक्रेटरी से पूछो, वगैरह, वगैरह…”
और अचानक फालतू कागज़ों की टोकरी में – वह मिल गया.
पढ़ने लगे और सबके चेहरे फक् हो गए.
नाम? पावेल. पिता का नाम? इवानोविच. कुलनाम? चीचिकव. टाइटल? गोगोल का पात्र. क्रांति से पहले क्या करते थे? मुर्दा रूहों को खरीदता था. फौजी सेवा के बारे में क्या राय है? न पक्ष में, न विरोध में; शैतान ही जाने क्या है. कौन-सी पार्टी के हैं? सहानुभूति है (किसके प्रति – पता नहीं.) कभी न्यायिक मुकदमा चला था? लहरियेदार रेखा. पता? आँगन से बाहर का नुक्कड़, तीसरी मंज़िल सीधे हाथ को, पूछताछ-ब्यूरो में पूछें ड्यूटी ऑफिसर पोद्तोचिना से, उसे मालूम है.
उसके अपने हस्ताक्षर ? डूब गए!!!
पढ़ा और बुत बन गए.
इन्स्ट्रक्टर बोब्चीन्स्की को पुकारा:
“ त्वेर्स्की बुलवार पर उस बिल्डिंग में जाओ जो उसने लीज़ पर ली थी; और उस गोदाम में भी – जहाँ उसका माल है, हो सकता है वहाँ कुछ पता चले.
बोब्चीन्स्की वापस लौटा. आँखें गोल-गोल.
“ भयानक घटना!”
“क्या!!”
“ “वहाँ कोई बिल्डिंग ही नहीं है! ये उसने पूश्किन का स्मारक लिखा था. और माल भी उसका नहीं है, बल्कि ‘आरा’ का है.”
अब सब चिल्ला-चोट मचाने लगे.
“पवित्र फरिश्तों! ऐसा निकला छुपा रुस्तम! और हमने उसे अरबों-खरबों दिए!! सारांश ये कि उसे फौरन पकड़ना होगा.”
और पकड़ना शुरू किया.
आठ
बटन में उँगली गड़ाई.
“हलकारा!”
दरवाज़ा खुला और पेत्रूश्का पेश हुआ. वह कभी का चीचिकव को छोड़कर दफ्तर में हरकारे का काम कर रहा था.
“फौरन ये पैकेट लो और फौरन रवाना हो जाओ.”
पेत्रूश्का ने जवाब दिया, “जो हुक्म!”
फौरन पैकेट लिया, फौरन रवाना हो गया, और फौरन उसे खो दिया.
सेलिफान को गैरेज में फोन किया गया.
“कार. फौरन.”
“अप्पी!”
सेलिफान फड़फड़ाया, उसने मोटर को गरम पतलूनों से ढाँक दिया, जैकेट पहना, उछल कर सीट पर बैठ गया, सीटी बजाई, भोंपू (हॉर्न) बजाया और उड़ चला. (सेलिफान इसी अन्दाज़ में सौ साल पहले चीचिकव की घोड़ा-गाड़ी चलाया करता था – चारुमति)
ऐसा कोई रूसी है जिसे तेज़ रफ्तार पसन्द नहीं?!
सेलिफान को भी पसन्द थी, और इसलिए लुब्यान्का के ठीक प्रवेश-द्वार पर उसे ट्राम और दुकान की शो-केस में से किसी एक को चुनना पड़ा. एक पल में सेलिफान ने दूसरी चीज़ चुनी, ट्राम से दूर मुड़ा और बवण्डर की तरह, “बचाओ!” चिंघाड़ते हुए खिड़की से दुकान में घुस गया.
अब तो तेन्तेत्निकोव का सब्र भी टूट गया, जो सभी सेलिफानों और पेत्रूश्काओं का मैनेजर था.
“दोनों को निकाल कर सुअरों के सामने डाल दो!”
निकाल दिया गया. एम्प्लोयमेन्ट एक्सचेंज गए. वहाँ से पेत्रूश्का की जगह पर भेजा गया – प्ल्यूश्किन के प्रोश्का को; सेलिफान की जगह – ग्रिगोरी दयेज्झाय – ने –दयेदेश (पहुँचो – नहीं पहुँचोगे ) को. और तब तक बात आगे बढ़ रही थी.
“एडवान्स का रजिस्टर!”
“लीजिए.”
“नेउवाझाय-कोरीता (सम्मानहीन-टब) को बुलाइए.”
पता चला कि बुलाना नामुमकिन था. सम्मानहीन-टब को दो महीने पहले पार्टी से निकाल दिया गया था, और इसके फौरन बाद वह खुद मॉस्को से निकल गया था, क्योंकि मॉस्को में करने के लिए उसके पास कुछ था ही नहीं.
“सुराही-मुख?”
“वह कहीं दूर, दुनिया के दूसरे छोर पर प्रांतीय-विभाग में पढ़ाने गया है.
फिर एलिज़ावेता वोरोबेय की तलाश होने लगी.
ऐसा कोई है ही नहीं! है एक टाइपिस्ट एलिज़ाबेता, मगर वह वोरोबेय नहीं है. उप-विभाग के मैनेजर-इनचार्ज का सहायक वोरोबेय है, मगर वह एलिज़ाबेता नहीं है!
टाइपिस्ट के पीछे पड़ गए: “आप?!”
“बिल्कुल नहीं! ये मैं क्यों होने लगी? यहाँ एलिज़ाबेता कठोर-आघात चिह्न से लिखा गया है, और क्या मैं कठोर-आघात के साथ हूँ? बिल्कुल उल्टा…”
और आँखों में आँसू. उसे अकेला छोड़ दिया.
इसी दौरान, जब वोरोबेय की तलाश हो रही थी, कानूनी-संरक्षक सामोस्विस्तोव (व्हिसल ब्लोअर) ने चीचिकव को चुपचाप बता दिया कि मामले की जाँच-पड़ताल हो रही है, और, ज़ाहिर है, चीचिकव का नामो-निशान खो गया.
बेकार में ही कार को उसके पते पर दौड़ाया गया: दाहिने मोड़ पर कोई भी इन्क्वायरी ब्यूरो नहीं था, बल्कि वहाँ एक परित्यक्त, टूटा-फूटा कम्युनिटी डाइनिंग हॉल था. आगंतुकों के सामने आई झाडू लगाने वाली फेतीन्या और बोली कि इधर तो कोई भी नहीं है.
बगल में ही, वाकई में, बाएँ मोड़ पर एक इन्क्वायरी ब्यूरो मिला, मगर वहाँ स्टॉफ-ऑफिसर नहीं, बल्कि कोई पोदस्तोगा सीदोरोव्ना बैठी थी, और ज़ाहिर था कि उसे न केवल चीचिकव का बल्कि अपना खुद का भी पता मालूम नहीं था.
नौ
अब तो सब पर बदहवासी छा गई. मामला इस कदर उलझ गया कि शैतान को भी उसमें कुछ न मिलता. अस्तित्वहीन बिल्डिंग की लीज़ का मामला लकड़ी के बुरादे में मिल गया, ब्राबान्त की लेसें विद्युतीकरण से उलझ गईं; कोरोबोच्का की खरीदारी हीरों से उलझ गई. इस मामले से नोज़्द्रेव भी चिपक गया; सहानुभूति रखने वाला रोतोज़ेय एमेल्यान और पार्टी-विहीन चोर अन्तोश्का भी लिप्त नज़र आए; सबाकेविच के राशन की तो मानो एक पनामा नहर ही खुल गई. और प्रदेश चला लिखने (रिपोर्ट करने)!
सामास्विस्तोव निरंतर काम करता रहा और इस कीचड़ में उसने सन्दूकों के आवागमन को भी शामिल कर लिया, और सफ़र का बिल भी (एक सफ़र में 50,000 व्यक्ति शामिल बताए गए), वगैरह, वगैरह. संक्षेप में, शैतान ही जाने कि क्या हो रहा था. और वे, जिनकी नाक के नीचे से करोडों रूबल्स निकल गए, और वे जो उन्हें ढूँढ रहे थे, घबराए हुए घूम रहे थे, और उनकी आँखों के सामने बस एक ही निर्विवाद तथ्य था: करोडों थे और गायब हो गए.
आखिरकार कोई एक मित्याई चाचा प्रकट हुआ और बोला, “तो, बात ये है भाईयों… लगता है कि हमें जाँच कमिटी की नियुक्ति करनी ही पड़ेगी.”
दस
और तब वहाँ (सपने में क्या कुछ नहीं देखते हो!) प्रकट हुआ, मशीन में बैठे किसी भगवान की तरह, मैं, और बोला:
“मुझे सौंपिए.”
अचरज में पड़ गए.
“क्या आप…ये…कर सकेंगे?”
और मैं:
“इत्मीनान रखिए.”
दुविधा में पड़ गए. फिर लाल स्याही से लिखा:
“दिया जाए.”
मैंने फौरन शुरुआत कर दी (ज़िन्दगी में इससे प्यारा सपना देखा ही नहीं था!)
चारों ओर से मेरे पास 35 मोटर-साइकिल सवार आए.
“किसी चीज़ की ज़रूरत है?”
और मैं:
“कुछ नहीं चाहिए. अपने काम से दूर मत हटो. मैं ख़ुद ही कर लूँगा. अकेले.”
मुँह में हवा भर ली और ऐसी डकार ली कि शीशे थरथरा गए.
“ल्याप्किन-त्र्याप्किन को बुलाओ! फौरन! टेलिफोन से खबर करो!”
“टेलिफोन से खबर करना मुश्किल है…टॆलिफोन बिगड़ा हुआ है.”
“आ S S S, बिगड़ा है! तार टूट गया? ताकि वह बेकार ही न पड़ा रहे, उससे उसीको लटका दो, जो यह कह रहा है!!!”
मालिक!! ये क्या हो रहा है!
“मेहेरबानी कीजिए…ये आप क्या… अभी…हे…हे…इसी पल…ऐ! टेक्निशियन ! तार ! अभी दुरुस्त हो जाता है.”
दो मिनट में तार ठीक हो गए और खबर दे दी गई.
और मैं आगे गरजा:
“त्याप्किन? बदमाश! ल्याप्किन? गिरफ्तार कर लो, निकम्मे को! मुझे लिस्टें दो! क्या? तैयार नहीं? पाँच मिनट में तैयार करो, वर्ना तुम खुद ही मृतकों की लिस्ट में शामिल हो जाओगे! ये—ए—कौन? मानिलोव की बीवी – रजिस्ट्रेशन क्लर्क? गर्दन पकड़ो! ऊलिन्का बेत्रिश्चेवा – टाइपिस्ट? गर्दन पकड़ो! सबाकेविच? गिरफ़्तार करो! तुम्हारे यहाँ बदमाश मुर्ज़ोफेयकिन काम करता है? शूलेर उतेशीत्येल्नी? गिरफ्तार करो!! और उसे – जिसने इनको रखा था – उसे भी! पकड़ लो! और उसको! और इसको! और उसको! फेतिन्या को! कवि त्र्यापिच्किन को, सेलिफान और पेत्रूश्का को रेकॉर्ड सेक्शन में! नोज़्द्रेव को गोदाम में…एक मिनट में! एक सेकण्ड में!! लिस्ट पर किसने हस्ताक्षर किए थे? पकड़ो उसे, बेईमान को!! समुद्र के तल से भी ढूँढ लाओ!!
जैसे भट्टी पर बिजली गिर पड़ी…
“ये तो शैतान आ धमका है! कहाँ से पकड़ लाए इसको?!”
और मैं:
“चीचिकव को पेश करो!!”
“न…न…नहीं मिल रहा. वह भूमिगत हो गया है… छुप गया है…”
“आह, छुप गया है? गज़ब की बात है! तो उसके बदले तुम बैठो.”
“मेहेर…”
“खामोश!!!”
“अभी लीजिए…एक मिन…एक सेकण्ड का टाईम दीजिए. ढूँढ रहे हैं.”
और दो ही पल में उसे ढूँढ निकाला!
और बेकार में ही चीचिकव मेरे पैरों पर गिर पड़ा, और अपने बाल खींचने लगा, और जैकेट फाड़ने लगा, और यकीन दिलाने लगा कि उसकी माँ अपाहिज है.
“माँ?!” मैं गरजा, “माँ?…करोडों कहाँ हैं? लोगों का पैसा कहाँ है?! चोर!! चीर डालो इस स्काउन्ड्रेल को! हीरे उसके पेट में हैं!”
चीरा गया. वे वहीं थे.
“सब हैं?”
“सब…हैं”
“गर्दन में पत्थर बाँधो और बर्फ के गढ़े (आईस-होल) में डाल दो ! ”
और सब शांत हो गया, साफ हो गया.
और मैं टेलिफोन पर:
“साफ हो गया.”
और मुझे जवाब मिला:
“धन्यवाद. जो चाहें, माँग लें!”
मैं टेलिफोन के पास ही मंडराया. और मैं चोंगे में सारी ज़रूरत की चीज़ों के नाम गिनवाने ही वाला था, जो मुझे काफी समय से परेशान किए हुए थीं:
पतलून…एक पाउण्ड शक्कर…लैम्प 25 कैण्डल पॉवर वाला…
मगर अचानक मुझे ख़याल आया कि एक ढंग के साहित्यकार को किसी चीज़ में दिलचस्पी नहीं होनी चाहिए; मैं ढीला पड़ गया और चोंगे में पुटपुटाया:
“कुछ नहीं, सिर्फ गोगल की सजिल्द रचनाएँ, जिन्हें मैंने झोंक में आकर बेच दिया था.”
और… धम्म् ! मेरी मेज़ पर सुनहरी किनारी वाला गोगल आकर बैठ गया!
बहुत खुश हो गया मैं निकोलाय वासिल्येविच को देखकर, जिन्होंने परेशान, जागती हुई रातों में मुझे कई बार सांत्वना दी है, इतना खुश हो गया कि ज़ोर से गरजा:
“हुर्रे!!!”
और…
उपसंहार
…बेशक, उठ गया. और कुछ भी नहीं है: न चीचिकव, न नोज़्द्रेव और खास बात ये कि गोगल भी नहीं है….
‘ए-हे-हे,’ मैंने सोचा और कपड़े पहनने लगा; और मेरे सामने आ गई ज़िन्दगी रोज़ की तरह.
******
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Güvenilir bir medyum için bizi tercih ediniz, medyum haluk hocamız sizler için elinden geleni yapıyor.
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Almanya köln medyumu haluk yıldız hoca sizlere ne iyi medyum hizmeti veriyor…
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Avrupa’nın en güvenilir medyum hocalarından medyum haluk yıldız hocamız siz değerli kardeşlerimize yardım eli uzatıyor.
Avrupa’nın en iyi tanınan medyum hocalarından medyum haluk yıldız hocamız siz değerli kardeşlerimize yardım eli uzatıyor.
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Tütsüler hakkında bilinmeyen ne varsa sizlerle en güzel yorumları tütsü çeşitleri sizlerle.
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Medyumlar hakkında bilinmeyenler neler sizler için araştırdık ve karar verdik.
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Güvenilir Medyumlar hakkında bilinmeyenler neler sizler için araştırdık ve karar verdik.
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Gerçek Medyumlar hakkında bilinmeyenler neler sizler için araştırdık ve karar verdik.
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Almanya’nın en iyi medyumu halu hoca ile sizlerde çalışınız. İletişim: +49 157 59456087 Aşık Etme Büyüsü, Bağlama Büyüsü gibi çalışmaları sizlerde yaptırabilirsiniz.
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